Having attended a training regarding "recovery language" and the words/phrases that are now considered "offensive" on 11/22/19, it strikes me as apropos to share it with you, though updated slightly as a result of/response to that training. [This article, with the exceptions of a direct quote used in the article and the graphics at the end, is solely me. And the coarse language found in the primary quote is in fact a direct quote. I do not expect anyone to agree with me. As the title of my blog says, this is Food For Thought.]
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No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try for otherwise, either you will offend someone or they will offend you. It’s simply a part of this thing we call life. There is one thing to realize and remember: The only way you can be offended is if you choose to be offended.
Ultimately, the best way to deal with it is to surprise everyone and choose to not be offended. Ask yourself why the person is in any way important to you specifically. Also remember that others won’t necessarily share your viewpoint. Sometimes, their view will be both negative to your way of thinking and will seem to be narrow-minded and inflexible. Deciding to be offended will only succeed in giving you extra unneeded “baggage” that will only adversely affect *you*. You do better to decide to not be offended, try to at least see where their point is coming from, explain your point of view (i.e. have something of a conversation about it), and if you can’t come to a consensus then at most mentally conclude that they’re an idiot and then just go on with your life.
Now there's a movement to change recovery language so as to be "patient first" in an attempt to thwart stigma. On the surface this sounds noble as fighting and ending stigma is absolutely needed. Unfortunately, it's focusing on the wrong problem in that it isn't the words "autistic," "autism," "drug addiction," "mental illness," or any of the other related words/terms that are the cause of or carry the stigma; it's the conditions themselves to which those words/terms refer. Language is reflective of the culture that spawned it. One anthropological fact is that language follows culture, not the other way around.
The fact of the matter is that *any* word, phrase, or terminology can be turned into a pejorative regardless of how innocent that word, phrase, or terminology is, just as anything said can become sexualized even when the word/phrase isn't sexual in and of itself.
At the end of the 20th century and the beginning of the 21st, it was decided to refer to people with various physical/mental health issues as "special" as it was considered a positive and affirming word. We no longer say "special" because it quickly became a pejorative term. And in an effort to thwart the use medical terms in the mental health realm, the terms have become more complex; the result has been an increase of the phrase "I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce" as an insult.
In another aspect regarding the fallacy of thinking being "offended" is a useful reaction, an example: While I was still a member of the Wellspring Clubhouse, I was in a conversation with a female friend, and while I don't recall the topic I do remember we were in agreement. Shortly thereafter in the same day, I was in the library/computer room having a similar conversation with a male acquaintance about the same topic. While I was describing the prior conversation (without identifying the woman I'd been speaking to due to my privacy protocols), with my lead-in being that I agreed with her, another female member came into the room on unrelated business whereupon she heard part of what I was saying. Without bothering to learn the context of my remarks, she concluded that she was offended by what I was saying and came to the "defense" of my female friend. The woman was further offended when I pointed out that, because she was coming into the middle of a conversation with no accurate reference points, she had no idea what she was talking about since I was in fact in agreement with my female friend. Rather than utilizing logic, the woman who still thought she was defending my friend decided to let her emotions rule regardless of the facts.
[See my article: "Check Your -ism by Rev. J.T. Smith" for further examples.]
Regardless of whether it's in an individual setting or a more institutional one (e.g. job, official or professional situation, et al), being offended solves nothing and does not give you nor anyone else any special rights or privileges. As Stephen Fry once said: “It's now very common to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that.' As if that gives them certain rights. It's actually nothing more . . . than a whine. 'I find that offensive.' It has no meaning; it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what." [I saw hate in a graveyard -- Stephen Fry, The Guardian, 5 June 2005]”
Getting and/or being offended solves nothing. It won’t actually change anything. Your viewpoints, no matter how well reasoned or even potentially innocent they may be, will still offend someone else. That’s merely human nature. Regardless of what far too many people will tell you, you always have a choice (you simply won’t always like the alternatives). In terms of something, a statement or action that you don’t like for whatever reason, your choices are to be offended or not to be offended. Make your life so much easier by always choosing to not be offended.
by Rev. J.T. Smith
