Trust, Respect . . . And Beauty - Rev. J.T. Smith

Trust, Respect . . . And Beauty

Both trust and respect should always be earned rather than treated as some form of a door prize to be handed out to anyone who shows up or just happens to be in any kind of position of authority (e.g. parents/elders, teachers, the police/military personnel, any part of the government, the media, et al).  And just as actions speak louder than words, albeit not as often, a person's actions are the best and surest method of determining whether or not they deserve your trust or respect, if ever.  Neither trust nor respect should ever be treated as absolutes unless they have earned either of those; and if anyone should ever abuse you personally or their position of power in general, then that trust and/or respect should be revoked.

In reality, the word "respect" gets thrown around far too readily and nearly everyone seems to demand it these days.  We're told that everyone deserves respect at all times.  The fact is that people erroneously use the term "respect" when they should be using the phrase "common courtesy."  In his article "Command, Don't Demand Respect: Giving Respect Without Feeling It Inside Is Pretentious. Insisting On Such Respect Is False Pride," Manoj Khatri said: "All around us, we see people demanding/giving respect for all the wrong reasons.  In your family, respect your elders whether or not they deserve it.  At school/college, respect your teachers, doesn't matter if they can't teach anything.  At work, respect your seniors, regardless of how competent they are."

As stated earlier, respect, like trust, needs to be earned rather than simply given or expected.  While it has been said that respect is neither imposed nor begged, it's earned and offered, it has also been rightly observed that if you have to demand respect then you don't deserve it.  Even though at the end of the day you will never get to determine or decide how or when, if ever, anyone respects or trusts you, it is you who should be the one to decide who you respect and/or trust and by what individual criteria you use to determine who, when, and how anyone earns either from you.  And we should all be working to earn that trust or respect if we desire it from others.

Bear in mind also that trust and respect are not mutually inclusive.  While you can trust that a peer may do their duties to the best of their ability, it doesn't automatically mean that you do or should respect them as their other actions towards you or others might not warrant it.  Conversely, while you obviously won't trust an enemy, you might still respect them for their cunning, skill, or some other attribute that you find worthy of respect.

How does the concept of beauty fit into all of this?  We're essentially told by the media who we should find beautiful or that somehow beauty is a valid method for automatic judgment of a person.  The reality is that beauty is simply a combination of qualities (e.g. shape, colour, or form) that pleases the aesthetic senses, especially sight.  Sadly, the media (which in terms of determining "beauty" seems to be the accepted "authority" on the subject, an authority it doesn't deserve in reality as beauty is a subjective matter of opinion and we should be capable of making up our own minds based on our own individual aesthetic) continually focuses myopically on women's appearance while focusing on nearly every other attribute of men.  While the apparent majority of media will do this, it doesn't mean that everyone does. 

Since a person's physical appearance is the first thing we see when we look at a person and quite often it's the only part of a person we will ever be able to "interact" with on any level, particularly in terms of celebrities, we'll often say (even if only in our own minds) or post online "so-and-so is beautiful/sexy/pretty/hot/etc." when we see someone whose features or attributes fit within our personal aesthetic; and that action may seem shallow to others observing.  Of course, some people are simply that shallow.  Mind you, those statements aren't limited solely to stated observations by males. 

But that physical appearance neither determines nor denotes either intelligence or personality.  How can anyone ascertain another person's intelligence unless we're able to interact, most often talk, with them?  At that we usually base our conclusions about a person's intelligence far more on the way that person speaks rather than on how they look.  As for personality, once we encounter it, it will for many of us adjust how we see that person, either augmenting or diminishing their "beauty" in our eyes. 

Whereas we have to earn the respect and trust of others, we cannot earn beauty.  That said, like trust and respect, no one else can decide or determine for us who or what we find beautiful.  And though we have the absolute right to think of ourselves as beautiful in whatever form or capacity, and we should never let others determine how we perceive ourselves, we simply can't force or expect others to agree with our sense of aesthetic.  Beauty is an opinion, but it is our own opinion.

by Rev. J.T. Smith

Dealing With Offense (Updated) - Rev. J.T. Smith

I initially wrote the following in February 2015 as an article for the Wellspring Clubhouse's newsletter, which was published.  On December 4, 2016, upon starting this blog (which I admit I need to post to more often), I posted this article as the inaugural article, with a graphic attached so I could post it to my Pinterest page. 

Having attended a training regarding "recovery language" and the words/phrases that are now considered "offensive" on 11/22/19, it strikes me as apropos to share it with you, though updated slightly as a result of/response to that training.  [This article, with the exceptions of a direct quote used in the article and the graphics at the end, is solely me.  And the coarse language found in the primary quote is in fact a direct quote.  I do not expect anyone to agree with me.  As the title of my blog says, this is Food For Thought.]

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No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try for otherwise, either you will offend someone or they will offend you.  It’s simply a part of this thing we call life.  There is one thing to realize and remember: The only way you can be offended is if you choose to be offended.

Ultimately, the best way to deal with it is to surprise everyone and choose to not be offended.  Ask yourself why the person is in any way important to you specifically.  Also remember that others won’t necessarily share your viewpoint.  Sometimes, their view will be both negative to your way of thinking and will seem to be narrow-minded and inflexible.  Deciding to be offended will only succeed in giving you extra unneeded “baggage” that will only adversely affect *you*.  You do better to decide to not be offended, try to at least see where their point is coming from, explain your point of view (i.e. have something of a conversation about it), and if you can’t come to a consensus then at most mentally conclude that they’re an idiot and then just go on with your life.

Now there's a movement to change recovery language so as to be "patient first" in an attempt to thwart stigma.  On the surface this sounds noble as fighting and ending stigma is absolutely needed.  Unfortunately, it's focusing on the wrong problem in that it isn't the words "autistic," "autism," "drug addiction," "mental illness," or any of the other related words/terms that are the cause of or carry the stigma; it's the conditions themselves to which those words/terms refer.  Language is reflective of the culture that spawned it.  One anthropological fact is that language follows culture, not the other way around. 

The fact of the matter is that *any* word, phrase, or terminology can be turned into a pejorative regardless of how innocent that word, phrase, or terminology is, just as anything said can become sexualized even when the word/phrase isn't sexual in and of itself.

At the end of the 20th century and the beginning of the 21st, it was decided to refer to people with various physical/mental health issues as "special" as it was considered a positive and affirming word.  We no longer say "special" because it quickly became a pejorative term.  And in an effort to thwart the use medical terms in the mental health realm, the terms have become more complex; the result has been an increase of the phrase "I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce" as an insult.

In another aspect regarding the fallacy of thinking being "offended" is a useful reaction, an example: While I was still a member of the Wellspring Clubhouse, I was in a conversation with a female friend, and while I don't recall the topic I do remember we were in agreement.  Shortly thereafter in the same day, I was in the library/computer room having a similar conversation with a male acquaintance about the same topic.  While I was describing the prior conversation (without identifying the woman I'd been speaking to due to my privacy protocols), with my lead-in being that I agreed with her, another female member came into the room on unrelated business whereupon she heard part of what I was saying.  Without bothering to learn the context of my remarks, she concluded that she was offended by what I was saying and came to the "defense" of my female friend.  The woman was further offended when I pointed out that, because she was coming into the middle of a conversation with no accurate reference points, she had no idea what she was talking about since I was in fact in agreement with my female friend.  Rather than utilizing logic, the woman who still thought she was defending my friend decided to let her emotions rule regardless of the facts.

[See my article: "Check Your -ism by Rev. J.T. Smith" for further examples.]

Regardless of whether it's in an individual setting or a more institutional one (e.g. job, official or professional situation, et al), being offended solves nothing and does not give you nor anyone else any special rights or privileges.  As Stephen Fry once said: “It's now very common to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that.'  As if that gives them certain rights.  It's actually nothing more . . . than a whine.  'I find that offensive.'  It has no meaning; it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase.  'I am offended by that.'  Well, so fucking what." [I saw hate in a graveyard -- Stephen Fry, The Guardian, 5 June 2005]”

Getting and/or being offended solves nothing.  It won’t actually change anything.  Your viewpoints, no matter how well reasoned or even potentially innocent they may be, will still offend someone else.  That’s merely human nature.  Regardless of what far too many people will tell you, you always have a choice (you simply won’t always like the alternatives).  In terms of something, a statement or action that you don’t like for whatever reason, your choices are to be offended or not to be offended.  Make your life so much easier by always choosing to not be offended.

by Rev. J.T. Smith

National Day of mourning

Most people don't know that back in

1912, Hellmann's Mayonnaise was

manufactured in England.  In fact,

the Titanic was carrying 12,000

jars of the condiment scheduled

for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico,

which was to be the next port of call

for the great ship after its stop in

New York.  This would have been

the largest single shipment of

mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico

. . .  But as we know, the great ship

did not make it to New York.  The

ship hit an iceberg and sank.  The

people of Mexico, who were crazy

about mayonnaise, and were eagerly

awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate

at the loss.  Their anguish was so

great, that they declared a National

Day of Mourning.

The National Day of Mourning occurs

each year on May 5 and is known,

of course, as - Sinko De Mayo.

WHAT???  You expected something educational from me?

You need a shot of Tequila.

Vegans Really Need To Learn - Rev. J.T. Smith

The reality is that actual meat is NOT the problem.  Modern factory methods are the problem in terms of how farm animals are treated.  

It's important to remember than humans are biologically designed to consume and utilize animal protein, and thinking "protein is protein" is a mistake as there are significant differences between animal and plant proteins.  Humans need to stop trying to separate themselves from the rest of the natural flora and fauna of this planet!  Like bears, humans, are OMNIVOROUS!  For crying out loud, if we realize that the other fauna of Earth are also sentient, then we must accept and fully acknowledge that the bear knows the salmon is also sentient, yet the bear seems to have no issues eating the salmon when the opportunity arises.

And considering most of the alternatives to leather, etc, are in fact made of petroleum based products, you're trading one problem that you don't like to a bigger problem that you'd rather turn a blind eye to.

A much bigger and far more real problem is the massive overpopulation of humans on this tiny planet.

An aspect that so many people miss is that this planet is becoming ever more dangerously overpopulated with humans.  The REAL problem is the fact that this planet is not evolutionarily designed for the MASSIVE overpopulation of humans.  It took just 123 years for the human population to double from the first 1 billion in 1804 to 2 billion in 1927.  Then only 33 years to reach 3 billion.  In 47 years, the total population has more than doubled from 3+ Billion humans to 7+ Billion today.  The problem is NOT the people who eat meat but that humans breed nearly faster than unchecked rabbits.  Human breeding (not black, not Jewish, not Muslim, not [fill in the blank with ethnic group(s) of choice], but HUMAN breeding desperately needs to be slowed.  It is this overpopulation that ultimately causes all of the major fights over resources (e.g. fuel, potable water, etc), and is the root cause of climate change (that statement is in no way a defense of Big Oil or King Coal).  When the original texts of the Bible were written, particularly the bit about "be fruitful and multiply," human population worldwide on Earth only counted in the millions.  It was just over two centuries ago that humans crossed the 1 billion mark.  And the population has more than doubled in the last 50 YEARS.  Guess what: you've been very fruitful and multiplied like rabbits.  Now knock it off already!

And there's something else the high and mighty vegans constantly overlook in their deluded superiority - Veganism is in fact Not healthy for everyone. 

What about all of the plants every one of us murder every day?  What?  Just because they can't run, fly, or swim away and you can't hear their screams, it's alright to kill and mutilate them?  (Mowing the lawn and cutting shrubs into fanciful shapes is mutilation, even though they don't bleed!)  Thinking otherwise further proves you're faunacentric.


It wasn't long ago that it was generally accepted that non-human animals don't feel pain the way that humans do.  Now, it is becoming far more accepted that the inverse is true.  What's more, scientists are discovering that plants also form friendships and remember their experiences, that they really are asking asking for our help, and the evidence is growing that plants are also conscious.

Let's face it, Human "ethics" in terms of diet are an artificial construct born from humanity constantly trying to separate themselves from the rest of the flora and fauna of this planet.  If plants were able to fight back, humans would undoubtedly be at the top of their target list due to not only the ingestion of plants but also that humans are continuously cutting down living plants for everything from buildings and clothing all the way to topiary.

Just as there is a whole sexuality spectrum that we see and know clearly within the biological gender binary, there is also obviously a dietary spectrum to be found within the omnivorous binary that runs from herbivorous to carnivorous and everything in between; and trying to force people, even if only by social pressure, to become completely herbivorous is just as wrong as it is to put peer pressure on members of the LGBT community to be heterosexual.
 

- Rev. J.T. Smith

Christmas Humour